Sunday, July 13, 2008

I was wondering...

Do ever have those times in your life where you realize you've changed? You take a step back and wonder, "when did I stop liking cream in my coffee, how did I forget that I love roller coasters, why did I ever believe I wanted a house full of kids"?

Some of these questions keep popping into my head and won't go away. I wonder, did I change my mind or did I just not know that I didn't want or like certain things? The one thing REALLY bugging me is that I can't quite pinpoint the thing in my life that I am passionate about. Obviously my family is my greatest passion but I'm talking about me, just me, my selfish wants and needs. Something that I could not imagine not doing or having in my life.

I am getting better at knowing what I don't like.
I don't like red sauce on pizza.
I don't like, no I HATE to mop (that fact is painfully evident).
I don't want to use my Human Development degree. Ever.
And I don't like to be touched by people I'm not close to. Just the other day I caught myself putting my hands behind my back and making the smile on my face bigger (a lame attempt to still seem somewhat inviting), just so I didn't have to shake some one's hand.

Things that I don't know:
Who to vote for (this one make my head want to explode).
Why can't I politely listen to my husband explain how different drugs work in your body and not get utterly frustrated because I'm not going to remember what he said in 3 minutes?
Why can't I manage all this free time? Some days I get absolutely nothing done. Nothing.
Why am I all or nothing? I get super excited about starting a project and then get burned out and just stop.
This list could go on for days.

There is little that I am completely certain about. However...
I love Mexico. I WILL find a way to spend a LOT of time there!
I love red wine. I love to drink it at a nice restaurant on a date or on my back porch with a group of friends. And,to be perfectly honest I love to have just one glass too many.
I love the pastor at our church. I could listen to Jim Evans speak all day.
I love earrings and heels. This is a new love for me, but getting dressed up makes me giddy.
I LOVE that my husband is completely difficult.
I love that my little girl likes to express her independence.
I love fall in Auburn.
OK, so maybe I am certain of more things than I thought.

Somebody should warn you before you hit your 30s of all the questions and self doubt! Sheesh!


kelliemwilson said...

I have started this same post more than once...never completed it or posted it. I have learned so much about you in this one post! Good things! This makes me think more on these things.....maybe a blog entry will come of this.

Brook said...

There again, could you please get out of my head! :)